i feel like crying. im so tired of forgiving yet i never want anyone to be sad. im so tired of taking bullshit and having to do things i'm not ready for. but yet i ddid and i just i jsut

you're so impure and fucking evil nowadays a11i3, what happened to the sweet mature girl you were? did you have enough, hm? you're never enough. you never will be enough. no one will be satisfied with just your words and affection--no, no no, you must give up your body to be loved fully. and keep giving it. but he told you not to give it too. which one is it? we've genuinely gone so insane. you are insane for writing all of this. you're already making a show and we're both aware of it. i might as well get your little friend to clean up the mess before its eventually found

whorewhorewhore always having to be lust filled for love ur genuinely so fucking stupid for thinking it was love like he told you you should honestly just i don't even know anymore, nothing can save you

we all know you named this after your last one in hopes someone will find it, so you really are just an attention seeking whore here. or maybe you're trying to find an outlet you're hoping they would come back to you. either way you're better off letting me write in some journal than to the general public, a11i3. you should know better than that.

we all know you're gonna be replaced in the matter of milliseconds babe. moment you're gone he's gonna go after whatever feeds him. you just weren't his in the long run, im sorry to break it to you. if you truly want to be that, then you'd have to become something you're not. you keep saying im a [censored] for writing this publicly which is true in nature, which is why you should heed my advice and actually just disappear forever. no hidden or cryptic message, no show to perform, nothing. just disappear from the online vicinity forever and maybe you can be happy. or disappear from the world entirely. your choice, babes.

i think i miss my husband actually no, i don't think, i do

i feel so sleepy @_@ but i have stuff to get done!!!

I am genuinely going to fry you for writing that shit spiral

a part of me just has a gut feeling i should end it all. i dont want to abandon my friends but a part of me is just aching for it, like it's the only way to escape this burning inside of me. the only way to the pesticide known as i is by slaughtering it. what future even lies ahead of you? will it all matter? you're so goddamn dramatic, a11i3, just get the job done and do it. but you won't because you're pathetic in that nature. you're always putting up a performance because you don't know how to deal with things anymore. it's like your body reacting in as a defense mechanism. you just keep flying away, but eventually everything will catch up. you like it anyway. if you got it done and out of the way, then you wouldn't have this whole show going on and you wouldn't be toxic to the ones you love. you could actually be fucking normal for a change and love like anyone else could. if only your maturity stayed with you and you werent' so expressive with your emotions. maybe then you'd suppress your emotions again and take it like the adult you are. god, if only you could love normally this wouldn't be an issue with us. but your pathetic issues of not being enough and never being able to please anyone is what is dragging you down. so why don't we just rid of you while we can if it's hurting you to put up with it? what good can society get out of you if you're unwilling to help in those ways? its why you don't deserve love. the way you're wired isn't natural, even has its own subcategory, and no one will love you for the way you are. they will always want you to change for them to be best suited for their desires. i kind of feel you switching in as im typing this telling me to stop and that love does exist beyond what you are but im honestly too tired to delete any of this. you deserve to hear it and you deserve the fate i will hand to you eventually when you aren't too much of a pussy to take it.

im posting a lot of these out of boredom i suppose. i sometimes wish i was good enough for people. like, i want people to appreciate my quirkiness than for my body. sure im a woman and can produce a baby, but that isn't all there is to me! i want to help people to the best of my ability and serve as a leader to them (obviously not in a cultish way). i want others to not have the burden of waking up every morning feeling like they aren't enough and that they should feel happy. i wish i was good enough for someone to love me and my flaws. but i feel my friends do, i hope.

im kind of sad rereading all my hidden messages on here. i wish i could hug her and tell her that everything is okay. is it okay though? im unsure. but id still want to comfort her and give her the love she deserves

I suppose this is my "personal" journal/diary entry for the time being. my depression has been...eeeh but we'll get through with it, Sp1r4l is more tame and the no namer has been...infrequent. I don't know much about her. I should probably give her a cool name. she's like homura from madoka

helloooo? anyone there? no one? okay,, that's fair,,